I wonder what that little guy is thinking as he/she looks in the mirror?
OK. I’m done wondering because I’ll never know the answer and that would likely drive me crazy!
That said… the shame game can be so detrimental to the confidence of an individual. As a veterinary speaker, coach, and consultant, I witness different aspects of the shame game on a frequent basis…
- veterinary students shaming themselves for getting a ‘B’ on an exam
- pre-veterinary students shaming themselves for not getting accepted into veterinary school
- technicians shaming themselves for not being able to read the veterinarian’s mind
- veterinarians shaming themselves for a failed case outcome
- practice managers shaming themselves for allowing the job to takeover their lives
- and on and on and on…
If you’re a veterinary professional, I know you do it. I know you probably did it recently, and odds are, you’ll probably do it again sometime soon.
Perhaps I’m wrong and maybe you don’t, but I shame myself from time to time. Yeap.
I sure do, but I’m working on decreasing my tendency to shame myself on a DAILY basis. Knowing that I have this challenge, I don’t further shame myself for sometimes shaming myself lol.
Shame is such a powerful emotion. As veterinary professionals, we have a tendency to give ourselves a VERY hard time because of the mistakes we make.
Often times, we are hard on ourselves even when we do everything right on our part.
We tend to judge ourselves in the mirror based off of the results we achieve, not realizing that we are NOT defined by our results.
The challenge in this situation is that we will NEVER be mistake free, which is why I’m constantly in search of tools, strategies, and resources that help me become capable of handling any combination of circumstances, failures, conditions, and life events that are thrown at me.
In this brief article, I’d like to offer 2 simple strategies for decreasing your self-shame episodes.
Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.
– Brene Brown
Strategy 1: Change in Perspective Regarding Your Mistakes
Remember that life is happening for you and not to you!
I first heard this from Anthony Robbins – a great speaker and coach. It made so much sense to me.
The mistakes that we make in veterinary practice and even as humans are nothing more than growth opportunities. The sooner we realize that, the faster we can begin to turn what used to be shame into something that empowers us.
How To Do It
This is the “hard” part. This strategy is simple, but it is hard. It was meant to be effective more so than easy.
Step 1: Take Action! At the end of your day or whenever you notice that there is something that is bothering you, simply begin to look for a positive in the situation. Just try it! You’ll find that you may suck at it when you’re just starting out. But ask yourself, “How could this situation benefit me?” or “Is there any opportunity for me to become better because of this?”. Worst case, resort to the fact that it can always be worse. That last one is a bit of a cop out in terms of exercising your mind, but it works. lol
This builds your awareness and gets your brain started in the creative process of seeing advantages in disadvantages.
Step 2: Develop Faith! Faith is having the understanding that even if things don’t work out the way you wanted to that everything is still going to be OK. In this case, faith allows you to continue looking for the good in every situation you face in life and as a veterinary professional.
The idea is that if you know something is there, you are more likely to continue looking for it even when you have yet to locate it.
I met a technician once who said she had to do 12 euthanasias in one day! In a day like that, it may be hard to find the good in that situation. However, I can think of 3 advantages/opportunities off of the top of my head as to how that tech and that hospital could grow from that.
How many advantages can you find in that situation?
3. Show Deep Gratitude! Gratitude is the easiest way to take decrease the amount of self-shame you do. When you are grateful for things as they are, you will not have time to be shameful. It is through gratitude that we tend to focus on the best in every situation we face in life. Our minds tend to take the form of that which we focus our attention on. In other words, if you focus on the negative in a situation, you will tend to manifest negative things and outcomes. The mind that focuses on the best, tends to experience the best, and as a result becomes the best!
Wallace Wattles – The Science of Being Great, Chapter 13: Thought
“Things group themselves and arrange themselves around you according to your thought.”
Strategy 2: Never, ever, ever, ever, EVER shame anyone else!
If I’ve learned anything in my 32 years of being alive, you will get back what you put out. What you do to others has already been done to you, whether you have experienced it or not.
I’m guilty of this! This is probably why I shame myself from time to time. I’m guilty of shaming my daughter and myself. It’s not intentional, but it’s irrelevant that it’s not intentional. The damage that can occur is still done and must be accounted for in reciprocity.
However…
The self-awareness of knowing that I have this issue allows me to continuously work towards improving.
Though I’m guilty here and there, my tendency to shame myself, my wife, and my daughter don’t define who I am. The shaming itself is merely a mistake, and I always remind myself that mistakes are OK! Learn from them! Grow from them!
In my case, I use the pain I feel from shaming them to drive me to apologize and treat them even better.
I also use the mistake of shaming others and myself as an indicator that there may be something from my past that leads to my tendency to shame. The process of self-discovery has been a major benefit of my ability to succeed against all odds.
By simply having a strategy and awareness of not wanting to shame others, you will increase your ability to decrease your self-shame. You will catch yourself when you do it to others, and you will catch yourself when doing it to yourself.
Take home message: The less you shame others, the less shame you will experience from yourself and others.
How to Do It
Just decide that you are going to do your best to do the exact opposite of shaming others, which is praising others. Understand that you aren’t going to be able to not shame others overnight. It is a process and you may inadvertently do it; however, you can also recover from it and do your best to not make those mistakes in the future!
There you have it! Two simple strategies for decreasing self-shame.
|
|||||||
